I was in a jeepney, trying to make my way home - with strangers, a fat lady strangling a chiken, a couple shamelessly grooming each other, and a preacher throwing a sermon upon his own imaginary crowd. He was clutching his bag to his chest, the preacher, and absent-mindedly staring at the person beside me, it seemed, and muttering about divinity and the end of days. The others were smiling, straining not to laugh, while others were indifferent, the couple just stared, as his voice rose above the sounds of people and traffic. I stepped out in front of Robinson's, beneath the traffic lights, away from faceless strangers, from overly-romantic couples, and the insane slouched figure, monotonously muttering still, between them.

I went to the PRC, early this week, to register for the Board examination. It was weird, surrendering my ID card, half of my identity. Reluctantly, I did. Through spastic hands, I did. Through gritting teeth, I did. There's no turning back now. There's, at least, the prospect for a new beginning. I always liked that phrase, 'to begin anew'. It's just up to me, I guess. Heh, I hope it's something I won't regret -because I still have that feeling, like a malignant fiend, eyeing me from somewhere.

With a purpose of not disappointing a friend, and after realizing that perhaps I'm in need of a nice break from all of the tedious studying recently, I went with her (and all of her friends) to a supposed happening somewhere in Cebu. Jamaica Night - excessively crowded, wet, and a huge disappointment. It was too bad that we came late and missed the band and the bikini show, which were the ultimate highlight and the point of ever going there in the first place. And so we just stood around, gawking at all the half-naked people, and gasping and spattering obscenities at why we went to a beach party with shirts and jeans. And while everybody was getting lucky and getting wasted, we stood around (still), fully sober (the booze are way too expensive), dripping wet, with half-opened jaws, yawning with boredom and feeling robbed (at least, I did). What a freaking way to spend money and a sleepless night!

I am intent on readying myself for the June examination, however, I feel that my mind has decayed so severely over the past month's inactivity so much so that I feel like a lumbering snail, so slow to act on what must be done. A month has passed and I have not made a dent in the gargantuan mountain of reviewers, handouts, and questionnaires, of which I must shovel everyday to pass that damnable examination. I content myself only in the thought that, when the review does start, I shall proceed forth with all ardor, and nevert waste an hour of the remaining days, and spend it in serious study. This I promise myself.

I have however, been dreading of the days when passion is spent and doubt and loneliness begin to cloud over my world, as it did during the last days of last year's review. It was so much easier then, for I have companions who were just a few blocks away, ready to lend a hand in times of difficulties. But now, I am rather, well... alone in my struggles. A position which could only be described as "sucks like the hairs on my ass!", for the lack of a better word(s). Hopefully a classmate of mine from high school, who has recently graduated from nursing and is due to take the Board this June, would come and join me in the review. Although I am sure I can do it alone (ows?), a little company would not be too bad... at all.

Sunset

Behind the golden western hills
The sun goes down, a founder'd bark,
Only a mighty sadness fills
The silence of the dark.

O twilight sad with wistful eyes,
Restore in ruth again to me
The shadow of the peace that lies
Beyond the purple sea.

The sun of my great joy goes down,
Against the paling heights afar,
Gleams out like some glad angel's crown,
A yellow evening star;

The glory from the western hills
Falls fading, spark on spark,
Only a mighty sadness fills
The spaces of the dark.

~George Charles Whitney

---

I took this picture not far from where I live. It necessitated some trespassing... but it was worth it

:-)

The topmost floor of the gym, where I happen to spend half of my days, has a clear and fantastic (not that fantastic, really, but one learns to appreciate what one has) view of the sun setting beneath Butuan City’s horizon. It is the reason why I brought my mother’s camera with me, much to her apprehension, and experimented with it, all the while sweating from a most tedious workout (I took these last weekend).


Alas! It was rather dreary that afternoon. Storm clouds gathered above and eventually swept across the horizon and smothering the sunset. Not only that, and to my ultimate dismay, it was cut in half by an imposing radio tower; and the city… well, it was quite inevitably swallowed by the crawling darkness. I took pictures of the gathering clouds too, which were, at least in my opinion, magnificient. Or not.

Ah well, better luck next time then.