Saturday, December 27, 2008


For months after my uneventful return from Cebu, I have willingly shackled myself inside our house like a hermit, isolated from the rest of the world, did absolutely nothing- but waited. The cause of this voluntary imprisonment, and pausing my world into a state of suspended animation, is that one decisive letter that would change my fate- my great expectation, the fulfillment of my dreams, my one opportunity for a financially secure future. The letter, of course, supposedly contains a confirmation that my application to take the NCLEX has been approved (or something of that sort, I am unsure since it was rather my first). And so I have put off all possibilities of romantic relationships, ignored the temptation of work, suffered the most undignified position of being penniless- and just waited, and waited some more. Alas, despite all the eager anticipation and the miserable pains that came along with it- the letter, nor anything that resembles it, did not come. Ultimately, my limited patience ran out, worse than the this country's rice shortage, and I am left utterly disillusioned, dejected, and hopelessly lost.

Oh, yes- and outrightly infuriated, as well. I have wasted an entire year without accomplishing anything, not mentioning the effort and money invested into that application, the painful studying- all have counted for nothing! Hah! My cabin fever-laced anger notwithstanding, I have little choice in the matter but to abandon the pursuit, even if just temporarily, and try to consider other options. Badly in need of money, and perhaps to restore some of my crumbling pride and sense of purpose, I have decided to return to my abandoned practice- as a nurse- if there is such a thing nowadays. I have heard some word that we nurses have to actually pay the hospital to be able to work. I have no idea what sort of bullshit is that (there are signs, however, that the government is trying to reverse this, but whether it is true in this part of the country is another question)- remembering the physical and mental torture that I have gone through the last time I was a 'ward nurse', I have not the inclination to pay even a penny to go through it all again. However, if I could retake my previous work, along with its pitiful salary, I would be- well, contented. I am tired of living like a hermit- I must go back to my life.

To hell with the NCLEX!

Monday, December 01, 2008


The clock struck midnight while he laid on his bed, twitching and turning in agitation, his thoughts mirrored the ravaging chaos that a tropical typhoon was stirring outside his very windows. The forceful winds howled menacingly and whistled through cracks in the thin wooden walls as the torrential rain produced an almost deafening clatter as millions of droplets impacted, and flowed forth like many streams to the sides of, the galvanized iron roofing of the boarding house. However, none of this was the cause, not the slightest, of his troubled mind whatsoever and seemed only to him as a sign of nature's approbation of what he was anticipating to occur that very cold, tumultuous morning. Oh, how it had opportunely landed on his lap- he could not begin to believe it! He wondered endlessly at whatever good deed, which were quite few, he had unwittingly committed for providence to have him thought worthy of such a reward. But no, it has nothing to do with that, not a bit of it- his gentleman charm, of course, has always been quite irresistible to the opposite sex- thus he told himself with great assurance, cackling pompously at the shadows that a lightning had thrown across the room.

Presently, he heard faint sound of foot falls, despite all noises previously alluded to, approaching from the hallway towards his present location. In sudden panic, he decided to close his eyes and pretended to have fallen into deep slumber, complete with an appropriate snore. Yet, his senses, especially his hearing, were as keen as that of a bat's. He listened intently as a key was inserted into the lock of his door, turned with a resounding click, and quickly yet carefully opened as the rusting hinges let out a long, gloomy creak. He perceived the same footfalls admitted a person into his unlit chamber as the door closed behind it with a slight snap, as if a lock was engaged. The intruder then slowly glided across the space, towards his bed, with feline-like agility. A sudden flash of lightning revealed the identity of the burglar- a female- clearly the object of the much-anticipated rendezvous- with long dark hair and clad only in, what seem to be, a plain white shirt which was not quite large enough that it left her slender legs rather exposed. This quick ocular opportunity, however, did not escape our sleeper's eye which, stealing a peek at the tantalizing form, caused his heart to rapidly pound within his chest.

He then felt her carefully sit at the edge of the bed and, without making further progress in her advances, could tell that she was closely watching him. Yet, he remained motionless, astutely resolute in imitating a corpse with brilliant likeness. But then she leaned closer, and closer, so that her warm breath was just a few inches from his face and the sweet scent of her perfume reached, and annoyingly tickled, his nostrils. Still, straining to prevent his sneezing and fighting the desire to probe it with a finger, he remained absolutely as lifeless as a pebble. Largely doubtful of the poor performance in front of her, she boldly initiated a reliable method of resuscitating him immediately back to life. She gently laid her hand upon his chest, seeming to check his vital signs, let it slid down fluidly down his belly, down still it went- and, with a pause, grabbed him viciously by his genitals. He let out a surprised gasp and sat up like a spring- putting an end to his stupid pretending. Victorious in rousing him up into complete consciousness, she giggled gleefully, and, releasing her grip upon his precious gems, proceeded at once to kiss him torridly in the mouth.

Caught initially by utter surprise, as he was in the process of nursing a sore appendage, his eyes could only flicker in amazement, struggling like a fish to keep up with her pace. Urged by manly pride not to be outdone, he decidedly took control in imposing his masculine will- grabbed her by the wrists, wrestled her down to the bed, and gained the superior position. It was then he who administered the art of kissing, gently, lovingly, at first; and slowly rising into an uninhibited frenzy that he looked like, in the pale darkness, a caterpillar devouring a poor leaf; at the same time, both of their respirations seem to increase in rate and in depth, along with their moans and groans, that one could mistake them as trying to snort one another with great difficulty. Perhaps it was this overzealous excitement of the moment, which could not be helped, that the woman in his loving arms was thrown into a state of mad-like ferocity- that she suddenly tugged rather harshly at his hair as her vicious canines took the liberty of sinking themselves into the soft flesh of his lip. Yelping loudly in painful shock, he broke away from her clutches, and, propelled solely by his momentum, fell backwards through a closet with a thunderous crash.

Freeing himself from the wreckage of clothing, books, and clouds of dust (and recovering from the rather embarassing incident)- he stood straight up without so much as a wince (although he was sore all over) and, wiping the blood gushing from his wounded lip, stared at her in bewildered amazement. Seeing that he was perfectly fine (in that he had not knocked himself unconscious), the rabid vixen only smiled at him, an attempt at apology. But her eyes, upon another flash of lightning, betrayed a look of sadistic mischief as if a demon succubus had then peered through them in mockery of his present situation. Upon witnessing this odd apparition, made worse by the dreadful weather, he hesitantly cowered behind a bedpost like a frightened child. Nevertheless, the supposed possessed lady, who sat perplexed by his behavior, will have none of it and warmly beckoned to him by affectionately caressing his hands which were now strangely glued to the bedpost. She, frustrated that her tender entreaties remained unheeded, finally lost her patience and took a more direct approach- seized him by the arm, forcibly wrenching him free with such unbelievable strength that he was thrown hastily back onto the bed, landed to resume his former position- on top of the heaving she-hulk.

Perhaps incensed by this blatant, unexpected show of strength (and perhaps angered that he was so easily man-handled)- he descended upon her with a vendetta and stripped her of her white bodice with relative ease, rendering her completely naked and exposed beneath him. Taken aback by his sudden, fearful outburst, it was her turn to be surprised, instictively covering herself with her arms and gaping at him wide-eyed like a helpless victim. Victorious in asserting his dominance, and seeing her quivering beneath his mercy, his maddened countenance broke into a menacing smile. Unceremoniously, his head dove down to ravage her exposed flesh with his mouth, unconscious of the pain of its wound, and devoured every inch of her as intense as a hungry wolf would devour a carcass. Her body, without offering much resistance, was put under a barrage of sensations and was feebly swept away in a surge of pleasure. Without warning, an earsplitting explosion of thunder emanated from the heavens, shaking the entire house in its foundations that, in sheer terror and alarm, her knee spastically threw itself up into his crotch with such a force that it lifted him wholly into the air- and, upon coming down, assisted by the same thrust, went straight on to collide his head with the wooden bedpost. His face twisted in agony and, encapable of making a sound, limply fell sideways to the floor- writhing and clawing in exquisite pain.

Without giving him respite (realizing that the old rickey boarding house somehow remained intact) to recover from the dual blow, she crawled down the bed with the uncanny nimbleness, and was instantly on top of him. Ostensibly insensitive, even flustered at the interruption, she ignored his whimpering and proceeded directly to disrobe him in a most deliberate manner that he was a bit hurt for her lack of concern for his welfare. Still rather dazed by his encounter with the bedpost, he idly laid on his back and let her have her way, cautiously eyeing her fearsome vigour. It took not a second for the interrupted ritual to recommence as passions were, despite bodily injury, once again ignited. The carnal act carried on, wild and feverish, with much more ferocity than before, as they both drunk from the cup of lust and desire to slake their insatiable thirst for one another exceedingly beyond intoxication. Their glistening forms intertwined, their breathings quickened, their moans heightened above that of the cyclone, as their motions gradually became beast-like in its intensity. Together, they both reached the pinnacle of ecstasy, screaming and groaning all the way, and, as their bodily frames were wracked by convulsions of pure sexual pleasure- she sadistically, and without apparent reason, dug her sharpened talons deep into his moist back and dragged them down mercilessly along his spine. His exhalations of delightful bliss quickly turned into an excruciating shriek and ebbing, by degrees, into a prolonged howl- an unearthly sound which could solely be compared to those that stem from the dark, clammy dungeons of medieval torture.

Outside his windows, the tropical storm unceasingly continued its reign of destruction and devastation, the effects of which would become evident in, and would be felt beyond, the coming light of morning.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Uuwi na ako. Pagod na ako, ayaw ko na dito- nakakahilo, paulit-ulit na lang araw-araw. Nakakabagot din pala ang mag-review na mag-isa, ngayon ko lang na-realize. Hindi kasi natuloy si Stella. Tsk! Sabagay, hindi ko rin naman talagang inaasahang matutuloy siya- masarap lang pagpantasyahan na makakasama ko siya sa review sa loob ng tatlong buwan. Totoong buhay nga pala ito, hindi nobela. Paano nga kaya kung natuloy siya? Malamang wala akong napag-aralan ni isa. Malamang ubos parati baon ko. Malamang nahulog loob niya sa akin. Hah! Nananaginip na naman ako. Anyway, uuwi na ako. Nakabili na ako ng tiket. Gusto ko nga sana bukas na kaagad kaya lang walang biyahe- sa biyernes pa. Lintik. Sa Butuan ko na lang ipagpapatuloy ang naumpisahan ko. May ilang chapters pa akong dapat tapusin at kailangan ko pa din pataasin score ko sa mga exams- ambababa kasi. Di bale, wala pa naman akong natatanggap na sulat o anuman mula sa CTS. May panahon pa. Medyo kinakabahan lang ako, medyo matagal-tagal na rin ang lumipas- di kaya nawala na nila ang application ko? Ah, hindi! Patience lang, mon ami. Hindi pa naman ako ready- gagamitin ko na lang ang paghihintay sa paghahanda ko sa exam. Huwag lang sanang abutin ng isang taon, Diyos ko! Gusto ko nang bumalik sa trabaho, wala na akong pera! Maipasa ko lang ang lintik na NCLEX na yan, wala na akong iisipin pa at makakahinga na ako ng maluwag. Pero sa ngayon, babalik na muna ako sa amin. Kaya, sa muli, paalam na Cebu!

Saturday, August 16, 2008


I heed not that my earthly lot
Hath little of earth in it-
That years of love have been forgot
In the hatred of a minute:-
I mourn not that the desolate
Are happier, sweet, than I,
But that you sorrow for my fate
Who am a passerby.

~Edgar Allan Poe (1829)

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


I have abandoned blogging, for a time, since nothing of importance ever transpires when one is engaged in reviewing. Indeed, so repetitive my days have increasingly become that I decided to go home and take a time off from the doldrums of incessant studying, at least, for a week. This decision was reinforced by an incident of drinking, which threw me into a horrible hangover the next morning, that I realized the state of my emotional well-being, for I do miss home terribly, so as to throw myself into such an act that I have a long time ago renounced. And so, I went home to Butuan the very next day.

The weather was bad during the entire night of the voyage. It was bad enough that some of the passengers were wide awake, looking contemplatively at the cabinets containing the life-jackets and anxiously across the hull of the ship as if it were in danger of disintegrating altogether at their seams (the memory of the doomed 'Princess of the Stars' fresh upon their minds). However, we arrived safely and unscathed, although it was raining slightly. I welcomed the rain, and the cool morning breeze that accompanied it, for it threw a peaceful aspect upon the grim port of Nasipit- so far from the hurried clamour of Cebu.

I was surprised how my dogs have grown, when I first entered the gates of our home, and did not seem to recognize me- that I hurriedly went inside the house for they threatened to give my leg a most welcoming nibble. I annoyed my dear little sister endlessly, who was beginning her classes in college and refused to be treated like a baby anymore- which made me more resolved in treating like one (and irritating her all more). My parents were lavish on giving me all the food that I have crave, especially my father who was an excellent cook, thinking that I appeared a little emaciated. For a week, I did nothing. I watched television the entire day of the week, which is something I have been deprived of in Cebu, and found the change of activity strangely refreshing upon the exhausted mind.

My going home reinvigorated me sufficiently that I was again willing, not without hesitation, to come back to Cebu and compelled to resume my review. However, I hasten to end my time here, for I have recently determined to drag all of my things back to Butuan to continue my studies there- I have become weary of Cebu. It is my hope that, having gained an impetuous start in studying, that homely distractions would prove ineffective in halting or slowing its steady course. Moreoever, I have purchased a new review book, which I am eager to peruse the contents thereof and test my readiness with an included software. All the more reason to study at home. The thought of extending my time here for a month has occured to me, however, I believe I could not endure a moment more of this wretched seclusion.

Thus, I will leave Cebu- perhaps for the final time.