I had a chance to converse with classmates from UC this morning, who, despite their smiles and laughter, were apparently dreading the coming of the licensure examimations eight days from now. It was precipitated by the pre-board, which has a reputation of being notoriously difficult that even I had to scratch my head a few times during the painful exam-a-thon, and perhaps the unveiling of the soaring scores of other schools like Cebu University compared to our's, meagerly making the passing sixty percent, that threw the reality of our evident unreadiness squirming on our faces.

And while my nervy colleagues may be developing mild to moderate anxiety, I remain oddly unconcerned with the exam. My anxiety is rooted on the absence of anxiety. I have read that anxiety is related to self-esteem. Self-esteem relates to, in this instance, how the person's appraises his intellectual abilities; that when a person's self-esteem is low, he is prone to developing or will manifest anxiety which, if untreated, will progress to an anxiety disorder. Could it be that I unconsciously (or consciously) percieve my purported accumulated knowledge is enough to pass that damnable examination?

Or could it be just plain hopelessness, manifesting as indifference?

Anxiety, or rather, mild anxiety is not bad. It keeps one on edge, keeps his focus is keen and his senses sharpened; it may even motivate one to keep studying as if there's no tomorrow. I wish I were anxious, even just in the slightest. I need it to break me from this... shroud, this fog, that makes thinking and studying rather impossible, throwing me into a state of near-depression and hypersomnolence. I'm bored, worn out, fed up, dispirited, homesick.

I desire nothing more than to get this examination over with so I can finally go home to my own town, be comfortable in my own house, my own room, sleep in my own bed, fiddle with my own computer, and pursue other books and literature that are, in no manner, connected with nursing.

Ah, why are the days so slow?