I remember, although vaguely now, that it was probably a few days after the examination has taken place for I was facing my computer at home, strangely looking for something, browsing through pages and pages on the internet. It was the results, apparently, and I was looking for my name. I heard voices behind me, voices of expectation. My heart was palpatating hard against my chest in anticipation. The last page loaded, and my name wasn't there. I have failed.

I woke up sweating, the beating of my heart was defeaning, my limbs were numb, tingling, that I fear I have lost the ability to move them, and I felt the a profound sense of... dread. It had taken, as a matter of fact, a few moments to convince myself that it was just a dream, that the examination won't take place until three days, and that I was still lying on a rickety bed inside a hellish room in Cebu.

It is not the first time I entertained the thoughts of failing the exam, but it amazed me how a dream about it could elicit such reaction.

Although I find it hard to believe that dreams, as most would believe, like a lame prophecy, have any relationship to future occurences, I couldn't help but ask myself: Could it be a sign of the inevitable fate that awaits me?

Or perhaps just the subconsciousness, as I have always believed dreams to be, spewing forth the buried contents of the mind, my inner fears. Could it be that, behind my supposed impassiveness and seemingly absolute confidence, I do give a shit after all? That I dread of failure most of all? Of course, who wouldn't?

Sigh.

A vague feeling of apprehension now grips me, alleviated only by the comforting thought that, in five days, this will all be over. Or will it? Somehow I feel that these are the last moments I will feel calmness and solitude - in a very long while.