Having had a word, at long last, that the examination results were out yesterday, I wasted no time in determining whether the word was true. And, after sifting through the usual heap of internet junk, found that it was indeed out. I found a .pdf copy of the results in a blog site, one of the sites I have been eyeing on to provide me with such information, strangely though beneath an article that announces that 'the PRC has confirmed a leakage' (the article now writes that the PRC has determined the two board members as the source of the leakage; what's happening to this country?).

Although I know how slightly indifferent I was, or pretended that I was, to the possibility of my name not being listed, the thought of it then at that precise moment was most dreadful, so much so that my heart unconsciously, and so suddenly, decided to somersault and steal my breath for a moment, rendering me dizzy while I gaze at my name in shock and disbelief. But I could not be mistaken, it was my name, unless there's another person who posseses the same. I passed? was the first thought which came to my mind. They let me pass?

I have done it. I passed!

Reality soon dawned on me and I was able to swallow the immensity of it all. It was not a moment of extreme exhilaration or excitement, but rather of tremendous relief. But I was smiling, incredulously, to myself and repeating the words 'I passed' over and over as if telling a story to an audience that needed convincing for, I think, unconsciously I was expecting failure. I looked for the others', but I found that I was the only one who passed from our school. Only I consisted the 5% passing percentage out of the nineteen others, from the same school, who took the exam.

For a moment, I was confused. Why me alone? was the question. Why not the others also? who studied as fervently, maybe even more, as I; who so eagerly wanted, even needed, the victory as I; and who took the examination with as much preparation as I. In my moment of joy, of words of congratulations and praises from my family and colleages, I cannot help but think of those whom I shared the months of review and days of examinations with. They would better understand, more than anyone, the meaning of this moment because they were there along with me, as constant companions, during the struggle.

How can one have the heart to celebrate a victory, and be truly joyous, when friends are suffering in defeat?