I fail to remember whether it was I, out of my being 'affected' and all that, or was it her? who started this sudden unnerving silence. I am more inclined to believe that it was the latter (she has done it in the past, you know) for obscure reasons I have yet to ascertain. Whatever her reasons may be, if there are indeed any, for bluntly imitating a mute, she dare not say. As for me, I have deftly avoided being near the computer, except perhaps for occasions such as this, and uninstalled my messenger program, although in futility (my sister installed it back again). For, even if it were undeniably pleasant and had me suddenly singing songs of love (much to the curiosity and annoyance of the house), there is nothing to be had in conversing with her as there is nothing to be had in pricking one's eye with a rusty nail. I still treasure the friendship we have (or had), of course, but this 'chatting' will not do for it is most detrimental to me and is the foremost culprit for my being wretched. I rather prefer we communicate in other less-frequent, less-personal, less emotionally-damaging methods; to lessen the dosage, as it were. I am missing her terribly, and at times unbearably, for she fills my thoughts the entire day and would frolic in my dreams every night - but I shall continue to be firm, even without the benevolent aide of alcohol, in putting her out of my head completely. It is only prudent and, perhaps, for the best (my feeble attempt to convince myself) and indeed it gained me precious time to be allowed to return to my studies, which has laid in neglect like an obsolete cellphone for days now, and to restore my lost focus back to my present ventures. My receiving a confirmation letter, one which I have anxiously waited a month to arrive, from the CGFNS yesterday served as a soothing consolation to my throbbing misery. The letter gave me, at least, an indication that things were moving along at a steady, if not expedient, pace - thus, renewed my energy upon readying myself for the anticipated NCLEX. I still hope, however, that Stella would send word, if only to declare that I have not earned her ire, and relieve my apprehension for her strange uncommunicativeness - because her friendship, which is all that is left of what we once had, is something that I cherish more than any other.

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She said, quite vaguely, that 'the bloodiest battles in life are those fought for things that are already lost' - are they not, may I add, the most noble as well?